I have absolutely no reason to really be upset. Do I? I hate this feeling they way I do. Things are good. I have a job. I have enought money, barely, but I get by. I have good friends. I look good, well at least I think I do most of the time. Why is it that I don't feel like any guys like me. I mean really. What am I missing?

I thought with the weight loss and getting down to a average size, my self esteem would improve and there would be guys. But nope. I'm stil the same crazy girl with the fat girl complex that thinks no one likes her. I still don't talk much. I can't even for the life of me figure out how to fix that. I want to talk. But I've got nothing to really say to anyone. I want to not be so shy, but it's just not happening. I want to meet guys, but where I don't know. And if I knew where, I wouldn't get any where because I don't talk cause have I said already, I don't know what to say.

Yeah, yeah I could do the standard where do you work and that kind of questions, but I get bored easily and I had do that drill. Generally, you get like one word answers and then you are stuck in some boring lame coversation saying nothing, but hoping to just leave.

Anyway, I just hate feeling the way I do. And what I really want to do, sit down and eat a tub of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream. I know that I can't do that. But at the same time it's like who cares, there ain't no one that wants me so why does it matter what I look like. I mean really. Why do I wake up every morning spend time trying to find the best clean outfit and precisely put on my makeup, subtly as so I don't look like a hooker, when in the end no one that matters sees me and no one that is ever really going to matter sees me?

blueberi posted at 10:17 AM