Okay I have issues. I've said this before, but today definitely proved the point.

Last night's award ceremony was total crap. I knew not to get my hopes up about what award I was going to win, because I knew that in the end I would get upset about it. I knew that I wouldn't get the gold, but when I saw my work up on the board I actually thought hey maybe I didn't just get honorable mention or some crap. I thought maybe I got something better. I knew thinking this would be bad. But worse than that when I received the stupid award. It said.."Judges award for writing". The award was for the damn writing. Okay, let me tell you this. I tried really had to write copy for these stupid ads, but my teacher didn't like any of it. So all the copy in the ads, was done by my teacher, who was great. The award was actually for what he did. So all in all I paid $50 to enter the dumb things and spend more money on the dumb ceremony to find out that my teacher's writing skills were Addy material. I could of saved myself time, money, and all the anger cause I already knew he was great at what he does.

So anyway, I'm tired of all the talk and crap. Onyx's husband got a gold addy for his stuff, so it was "I got a fuckin' gold how awesome am I" vibe going on. Yeah, I wish it was me, but I'll never do that good. I hate being pushed. I never really wanted to be a great designer. I just want to be good enough and know that I don't do crap. I want good and okay not spectacular and that shit. It all comes with time and I have plenty of it. All I know is I love my job and that is good enough for right now.

So to get to the point, I was sick of it all and decided to show everyone just how I felt about the dumb award I got. I took the cheapo frame that the put the award in and threw it on the floor. Let's just say that we now know that part of the frame was glass and part was plastic. I don't usually get like this but with all of the changes and adjusting and crap I just kind of blew up. To be honest I didn't think it was going to break cause I thought it was all plastic.

Anyway, I've also been a little upset about how Onyx and hubby reacted to my idea of leavin'. You guys made it feel like if I left I would be making the biggest mistake every. Onyx, I know you guys want to help as much as you can and you want to see me save up some money, but I really think that I need to be by myself. I have totally appreciated everything. I just want to feel independent. I think that leavin in March would be the best time to leave. I will have a little bit of money and I'll have help from my parents and sister. You guys won't even need to help me move. Plus, my parents and sister will have a place to stay when they visit, so they will save money. After moving my things I'll move stuff back to the room for you guys so you won't have to do anything.

Well, I feel better. Anyway, I have a free day tomorrow. Happy President's Day Everyone.

blueberi posted at 10:06 PM